So we were tooling around NE Ohio and happened to roll through Austinburg, Ohio. Yeeehaw.
Your typical wholesome small town USA place where overalls have been trending since JFK’s presidency.
As we negotiated through the bustling center of town, one intersection, we passed by this nondescript place and there it was.
“Them’ fightin’ words round here…” So of course, we had to stop.
Perched on the corner of Main and State in Austintburg, the owners had a tough time naming this place. The “Corner Bar” features good food liquor and proudly displays a “Home Cookin” sign on a what appears to be a door w/ a 5 ft step.
As we found the concrete step entrance in, I found the mantra proudly displayed on the side of the bar.
“Where the flock are we?”
Inside, it mirrored a scene from the movie “Children of the Corn” where every possible piece of crap left outside was nailed to the wall by Jethro. May I remind you other such classy places like Ruby Thursdays or TGIMcFunsters nail things to the wall too…but those are professionally mounted. This stuff? Hillbilly Bob just nailed every piece of paper he has ever owned on the wall and called it his little-slice-of-dating-your-cousin heaven.
Hey-isn’t that Fire Department Sign supposed to be up next to the fire station? I’m just sayin.
BTW-I think the chairs were on loan Monday thru Saturday from the local church. Gotta hand it to co-op sharing of resources.
Lets talk about the self-proclaimed “World’s Best Burgers!!”.
I’ll bullet point this so that you’ll have time to pause, close your eyes, and shake your head in disappointment.
*Bread was smashed and older. C’mon, at least have fresh bread.
*AND-if you’re gonna toast the bread, at least put butter on it.
*Do not use lettuce you got last week
*Nice job on the thick layer of Kraft American Singles Cheese. Melty.
*Burger was commercially bought preformed. Bleh.
*Consider placing this new-found spice, called salt, on your government formed patty. It may help the cardboard aftertaste.
*Tomato was cut by a blind guy with a spork.
*I had 4 different cuts of onions as toppings.
*Pickles should never be warm.
*It’s all about size as this burger was relatively small.
*The prefabricated government onion rings were a piss poor example of onion rings. Should have been called “Batter in circle shape”
*Marketing point: Don’t tout this as “the best burger in the world” when you don’t even shape the patty yourself.
So needless to say, we continue to stick to our guns about where we believe the best burger in the world.
What did we learn? Well, if you’re driving through Austinburg Ohio, it would behoove you to never let your foot off the gas pedal as Cleatus’ Corner Bar for Shady People should remain shady.
Reporting live from QuarryLaneFarms…